A Message from The Attorney General

As a parent, you worry often about harm coming to your child. You go to great lengths everyday to shelter your child from accidents, illness, and violence. This "ounce of prevention" is a natural part of parenting. Yet, few parents consider the "pound of cure" that may be needed after the unthinkable happens.

Trauma upsets the secure predictability of a child's life and a parent's life. Children may experience intense fear or a sense of helplessness and their view of the world may be dramatically altered. It is common for children to regress or withdraw. You are vitally important to a child's emotional recovery. Parents and children need information and support to recover from the trauma of being a crime victim. Delaware has excellent resources to assist your family. Please contact my office's Victim Services Unit.

Symptoms of distress

Different children react to trauma differently. Much depends on the severity of the events, the child's personality, coping styles learned from adults and the availability of support. It is normal for children to:

• experience a denial phase in which they fail to accept the reality of what has happened.
• become unusually fearful, or have nightmares. They may find it difficult to sleep or eat. They may "cling" to their parents and demand unusual amounts of attention or comfort.
• show feelings of irritability, anger, sadness and guilt.
• exhibit other warning signs: complaints about headaches or stomachaches, regressive behavior, lack of concentration, and a loss of interest in school.

Some children may show signs of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder:

• may repeatedly "act out" the traumatic event while playing with toys.
• may have dreams about what happened.
• may become upset by reminders of the events
• may startle easily.

Children are resilient, though, and with assistance from you, will likely recover from the traumatic event as will you.

What you should do:

It is important that you feel comfortable handling this incident so that you can help your child. Your child will be watching you for cues on how to manage their feelings.

1) Reinforce the "safe zone". Meet all of the child's basic needs for love, care and closeness. Spend extra time together.

3) Help your child express emotions. Talking to your child about what happened will help them cope. Encourage them to

re-enact the events with their toys; give them an opportunity to draw pictures or write about what happened. Encourage them to imagine alternate endings to the events. Validate their feelings by letting them know that feelings of anger, sadness, guilt, or fear are normal and to be expected.

4) Give your child room to regress.

Children need space to emotionally recover. They may "unlearn" some skills and behaviors. For example, they may return to thumb sucking. They may become unusually aggressive. Keep in mind that this regression is usually temporary, and it is important to be patient and tolerate it.

5) Clear up unfounded misconceptions.

Your child may have inappropriate feelings of guilt, shame or fear about what happened. Correct your child's misunderstandings regarding the events.

6) Prepare your children whenever possible. If your child needs to appear in court, explain each step of what will happen. Let them ask questions. The Delaware Attorney General's office has developed a coloring and activity book for children who are victims an witnesses. It is available in each of our offices, or you can request one by calling us.

7) Tap the support network. Consult with your doctor, clergy and friends. Inform your child's school. Teachers can be observant and helpful. If you seek professional help, be certain the therapist has experience with children and has treated crisis and trauma.

8) Establish a sense of continuity.

Take time out for fun. Try to return to routines at home. In addition, your child needs you to express confidence in their ability to recover.

What you should say:

1) Be honest about what happened and what may occur next. Honest communication will rebuild a child's trust.

2) Respect your child's fears. Offer assistance rather than asking them to be brave. Ask, "Let's see what we can do to make this less scary for you."

3) Let your child know you are aware that the situation is serious.

4) Recognize your child's feelings and put them into words.

Reference: National Association of School
Psychologists